Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I want is dick and wine.
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