It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
