If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
