I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
