she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
