If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
