Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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