I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
