hotel room ftw
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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