My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
