i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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