If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
