Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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