i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
