I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
