i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
