have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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