Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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