it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
