I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
