btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
