We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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