P.S. I can't hear my feet
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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