You're my little dorito
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
