this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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