Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
