Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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