I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
