Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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