3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
