my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
