grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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