dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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