your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
