She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
