My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
