I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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