I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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