The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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