bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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