You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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