I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My life is pants optional.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
