My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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