my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
