I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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