YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
