The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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