Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
