how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
