I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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