How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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