He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
