member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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