sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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