what day is it and did you see me today?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.