My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
