Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
