yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY