i'm home, then i'll come over
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.