She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.