I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My balls are so social today.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me