I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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