that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is