Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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