I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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