Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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