I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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