I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There r osticjed everywhere
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
