Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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