You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
