I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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