im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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