It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
