Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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