i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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