Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
